Sir I believe it's intended to represent the duality of man, sir.

Do you ever think to yourself you really should go just one night without it, but you can't possibly do that so you only take half, and then you forget you took half and compliment yourself on how well you're coping with not taking any?

No?

Maybe it's just me.



Had a job interview this morning, and I'm afraid. Of course I'm afraid I won't get the job, there were five other people in the lobby, but more than that I'm afraid I will get the job. I'd hate working there, I hated the person who interviewed me. Joking with me about how miserable married men are and how the government screws up everything it touches. It's a sales position and I'm just so not the type. It wouldn't be quite as bad as the scene from Lost where Charlie pukes on the photocopier, but pretty close. The problem is after going so long without getting any responses I'm starting to apply for jobs I don't even want.

At one point the interviewer said "Once you hit 50... Are you over 50?" "Getting there, HAHAHA!" Dude I'm not even close. I started going grey at 21, especially my beard. Yeah I hear ya, shave it off - well it serves a purpose, it hides my face. I've been debating if I should dye it but I've always considered that vaguely dishonest, like a push-up bra. False advertising. But now it's like my beard is already lying, telling everyone I'm much older than I am, so it'd really only be correcting a misperception. Of course there's always the chance it'll look ridiculous, or burn my face, or run down the front of my shirt in the rain like some Dali painting.

By the way, I know the Full Metal Jacket quote above isn't exact. I like my version better.

New England Strongest

By now I'm sure you've all seen this photo of the dunderhead at the Maple Leafs game Monday.



I've heard people say it's Psy holding the sign - I didn't believe it until I realized he's sitting next to Rick James.

I'm not offended, really - who cares what someone like this thinks, every city has a few. And apparently it's tradition for those nice Canadians to boo our national anthem while 75 percent of them huddle next to our border.

But this really does sum up everything that's wrong with a certain breed of sports fan. Whenever tragedy strikes, sports commentators always say it puts the game in perspective. And I think to myself, what dillweed needs death to remind them a game is just a game? Apparently some do. Apparently some people have their head so far up their ass they forget there's a whole world out there beyond their team. For me personally, sports occupies a small part of my day - most of my time is spent playing with my hobbit, if ya know what I mean.

But this guy doesn't get it. He doesn't realize "Boston Strong" isn't about sports, it's about attitude, the resilience of a region. It's not hard to comprehend if you're either from here or have read a Stephen King book. New Englanders may not be the first to smile and wish you good morning, but when my car broke down a few months ago I hadn't tried to crank it three times before a stranger stopped and offered a jump. In the moments after the Marathon bombing, there were more people running towards the blasts than away from them, and that's a big reason why the death toll wasn't higher.

So keep your piddly little sports allegiances, this is about something bigger.

But while we're on the subject, Bruins in six.

Whatever happened to normal, everyday people?

The normal, everyday person died on September 11, 2001.

We now live in the era of the Hero.

Don't get me wrong, I love Charles Ramsey. But I love him because one, the man likes his McDonald's. Two, he describes not just the size of his neighbor's testicles but the menu at his barbecues. And mostly because three, his eyes get wide and his head jerks around at the sound of a police siren. Take it from someone who's been there before, this guy's got warrants.

But let's get some perspective here. He called 911 for a screaming woman. What normal person wouldn't have done the same?

Compare this with the man who wouldn't open his door to a stranger during Superstorm Sandy. He, of course, is a villain, perhaps even a baby-killer.

As Laurie Anderson once said, the problem with living in a digital age is nobody wants to be a zero, everybody wants to be number one. It leaves very little room in the middle for the rest of us.

Hello.

Hi. They call me Larry. I got sumthin to say.